I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
