apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
