So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
