my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
