She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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