you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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