What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
