god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I am naked and annoyed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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