it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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