I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
