dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
