I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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