Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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