dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
