i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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