Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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