No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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