My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's just like the Real World with babies
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
