i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
