i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
