I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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