Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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