last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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