I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I looked at my own cervix.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
