My room smells like vodka and shame
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
