Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
