Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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