the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
