Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
