actually, I'm a sock model
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
