Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
