...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
