Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
