GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
