Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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