woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
