Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
