:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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