She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
