her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
