Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The uberlube is also flammable
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
