So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
