Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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