After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
