Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I faked an abortion last night.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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