I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
