Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
