Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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