Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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