i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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