Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
