Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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